As we are approaching Valentines Day, there are currently all sorts of posts surrounding this topic! Today’s post isn’t to do with Valentines Day at all, however Rhianna wrote a post this week which has half inspired me to write this one. “Love Yourself On Valentines Day” The other half of my inspiration has come from the kind little voice in my head this morning when I woke up, which said….
“Sort your life out Kayleigh”
Most people would say to me, why do you need to sort your life out? You have two jobs, a boyfriend, family, friends (including a load of lovelies through blogging) Now, I do appreciate these all very very very much, I am so so grateful for the people and things I do have in my life.
Yesterday I felt extremely disappointed in myself, for not really doing anything after work. I had a really sore stomach, with nasty sharp pains, so I had a ‘nap’ for 2 hours, opps. I didn’t get anything on my to do list complete at all, and my list is absolutely huge, it is getting totally out of control.
However, how can a nasty little voice inside my head make me feel utterly disappointed and angry with myself, particularly if I don’t feel very well?! I am the sort of person who gets really down when I don’t reach my personal deadlines and targets. I feel like an utter failure. The problem is, I have such high expectations of myself, and pressure myself far too much. There is only so much you can do in a day!
Considering I wake up around 7.45, work, and then often not home until 6. Then I am also supposed to get eight hours sleep at night, in order to function again the next day. This really doesn’t leave an awful lot of time to get any of my other bits completed, (such as blogging, graphic design competitions, other projects, as well as generally socialising with my friends) and there is just too much that I always want to achieve.
How I plan on ‘sorting my life out’
This is probably the biggest thing I need to sort out in my life. I admit, that it is kind of like a little rebellious side to me. I just won’t let myself go to sleep. Working so much, I feel I never have ‘me time’ as people like to call it. If it gets to like 11 or 12 at night (and the nasty inner voice comes along) and I haven’t completed some of the things on my list that I planned on that evening, I will often stay up until I do so, and it can end up being like 2 or 3 which is ridiculous! I then wake up extremely tired, and repeat the same cycle again. It is such a VICIOUS CIRCLE. Even the days I go to bed ‘early’ which is like 1 for me, I suffer from insomnia. I find it extremely difficult to sleep, as well as having a deep sleep – often waking at least 3 times a night.
To sort my life out, the minute it switches to 11, I need to shut everything down, whether it is finished or unfinished, and relax and cosy up in my bed ready to sleep and replenish for the next day. I think my body, physically and mentally will really thank me for this. (I am writing this at 11.34, so I have already gone against this, but this is to begin sunday evening! My best writing comes to me at night unfortunately 🙁 )
When does a girl relax?!
The trouble is….. I don’t really know how to relax. I always seem to be on this little anxious edge, waiting to fall. Even when I try to full on relax, it doesn’t really work. My body is always tense, my mind is always racing. I just never ever mentally switch off. There is always something else worrying me.
To sort my life out, I plan on giving yoga by Adriene a go since I have heard a lot of great things, and giving the internet a little bit of a break each night, kind of like a social media cleanse. If anyone has any ways to relax, I would really appreciate hearing them 🙂
3) Eating Better
I admit I am not the best eater. Especially at the moment. I am definitely eating at the heart of convenience currently. I don’t have the energy to cook delicious fresh hand made meals, as much as I want to. But I really need to. I have been experiencing a really sore tummy recently, and after visiting the doctors she believes it is down to diet, stress and quite simply not enough movement. It bothers me that my pressurising behaviours are having an impact on my overall health.
4) Finally, Learning To Accept and Love Myself
This is where this post kind of fits together. I NEED to love and accept myself. I NEED to stop being so hard on myself. I NEED to tell myself, that yes I am doing a good job, and that I am doing enough. I NEED to put my health first, before anything else, because I am not sleeping or eating particularly greatly at all.
I am a graphic design student, a potential perfectionist, which often means I spend far longer on things than other people may well do. I also struggle to say no to things, I constantly just want to please people. We are currently always being encouraged to say yes to all the opportunities that come our way. I am learning to overcome these two problems on my current placement, which I think are great skills to learn, however out of my comfort zone they may be at the time. A year in industry is an incredibly rewarding thing to do.
Maybe “sort you life out kayleigh” was a bit harsh… instead…. Goodbye nasty inner voice, I am doing fine.
So if that nasty inner voice ever tells you, that you are not good enough, or you aren’t trying hard enough, please try not to listen to it! I always tell myself that I only really want to hear happy positive things!
Apologies guys for the ramble, I don’t even know if it makes utter sense, but even writing this out, I feel a little better. It is off my chest, and out into the big wide world. Can anyone relate to any of the content I have spoken about today?
Pah, I need a hug!