Saturday, 18 February 2017

I Prefer Cosy Nights In

Rekorderlig Spiced Plum Cider

I was always the *party girl*

Every weekend without fail, I would be out with my friends in our towns very mediocre club. We liked it that way. We liked to complain about how bad it was, whilst still ending up there each week.

Worked all day Saturday? Working the next day? No problem. You would always find me at the bar chanting JAGER JAGER JAGER. I've been partying in Magaluf and Sunny Beach, but oh how times have changed. I now couldn't think of anything worse.

I much prefer cosy nights in..... WITH alcohol. 

Thats the thing. I still LOVE ME A DRINK. (I'm sure anyone that watches my Instagram stories knows this) I guess I've just fallen out of love with the environment that comes with drinking. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I need to go out, let off some steam and have a boogie, but the majority of the time, clubs and bars make me feel really anxious and on edge. I know what you're thinking... WHAT CHANGED? How could I go from absolutely loving life to wanting to curl up into a ball, even at the mention of a clubbing night?

The simple answer is OCD. The monster in my mind likes to create all sorts of scary scenarios. The monster in my mind likes to be in control. The monster in my mind doesn't like alcohol. Alcohol makes me forget things. Tiny little things. But that's the thing. My OCD literally feeds off remembering EVERY single detail. What happens if I don't remember things EXACTLY? ..... 

My mind creates scenarios that didn't happen at all. But they feel SO vividly real.

Having these thoughts inside a cramped, hot, sweaty and rowdy environment just isn't good. (Usually about contamination or getting spiked or something). Don't even get me started on the toilets inside of clubs. Those alone have sent me into such an anxious panicked spiral that I have had to hop in a taxi and go home. Yep. This is what my life has become. Getting frightened by toilets and having to go home.

Rekorderlig Spiced Plum Cider

This doesn't happen at home though. It feels safe. I like socialising. I like having a few drinks. So why miss out? Why not merge the two together? Looking back, I remember at aged 16/17 absolutely ITCHING to be able to get out there and party the night away. If anyone didn't 'like' going clubbing they were dubbed as 'boring' but right now I'm loving 'cosy nights in' and house gatherings so much more.


These days I don't drink to get drunk. In the past, that is all alcohol meant to me. I used to drink purely to get drunk. I simply liked the giddy feeling. But I now appreciate drinks for their taste and enjoy them, especially when they taste as good as Rekorderlig. It's like drinking a glass of yummy squash. Plus their flavours mainly consist of berries, and my gosh you all know how much I love a berry. 

Jordan and I most weekends will snuggle up, with a couple of drinks and pop on Netflix. This time is good for us because although we live together, we don't actually see each other all that much in the week. Adulting eh. I usually opt for a glass of wine or a fruity cider. Last weekend we tried Rekorderlig's LIMITED EDITION flavour* - Spiced Plum! 

Rekorderlig Spiced Plum CIder

Let me tell you, it is SO yummy and the perfect drink for a cosy night in... because you can enjoy it hot or cold. I don't know about you but I LOVE hot Ribena. On this occasion we didn't try heating up our ciders, but I am going to be grabbing some today for this weeks night in and we will try it!

I wouldn't say it is particularly *spicy* and by spicy we obviously don't mean all the CHILLIIIIIII we mean in a PSL kind of way. Cinnamon and all things yummy. Some of my friends often tend to find Rekorderlig far too sweet, especially the Strawberry & Lime one (not me, I flipping love it) however I think this Spiced Plum has a good balance of flavours. The 'spiced' element mellows down the sweetness and lets the plum shine. Am I being cheesy? Yep. I don't mind. Basically just get yourself down to the supermarket and try it yourself okay? Describing flavours is DIFFICULT.

Current Netfix Recommendations 

I'm really loving a few things on Netflix at the moment, so I thought this post would be a good time to share them. You can't have a cosy night in without binge watching your favourite programmes until it asks you 'if you are still watching' - which of course you answer YES. 

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

I will admit. I'm sure some people would find this programme REALLY REALLY irritating and annoying, because yes, some of the things that are said are kind of weird, especially when they randomly burst out into song. This happens about 4 times an episode so get used to it. Jordan's always like WHAT THE FLIP ARE YOU WATCHING. (this isn't one we binge together) But I love it. I feel like it's a really nice 'feel good programme' - it makes me giggle. In some cases it is very relatable, everyone always had that person that they longed to be with, but said person was totally oblivious to it all. Other cases it takes things WAY too far, but that is the bit that makes me literally laugh out loud. 


This is a new one for me. Netflix are being little flirts and only letting us have 1 episode a week, so there are only currently 4 episodes out there so it isn't exactly a binge fest. On social media it is being dubbed as the 'if you like Pretty Little Liars then you will love this......' Anyway it is similar to PLL in the aspect that it is all mysterious, the WHO DUNNIT situation and you guys all know I love these kinds of programmes and books. Each week we are given a new piece of exciting information, usually in the last 5 minutes... they have to make us want the next episode RIGHT NOW somehow don't they?!  

Since it is still very new I don't have TOO much to say about it. I just know I look forward to every Friday for the new episode!

How To Get Away With Murder

I would say this is one of the best programmes I have watched on Netflix in a long time. Maybe EVER. Who knows. It is flipping AH-MAZING and so addictive. So please only commit to this programme if you have lots of free time and nothing to do. I cannot be held responsible for any time lost watching.

The acting is amazing, the editing is REALLY clever. It took me an episode or so to get into it, just to kind of get the gist of what the flip was going on. But after that, absolutely hooked. I made the mistake of getting Jordan interested in it because it meant whilst I didn't have a job I couldn't binge watch it during the day *BOO* - I don't want to say too much because it is easily ruined. Basically just go and give it a watch like right now, and avoid Google for the life of you, SO. MANY. SPOILERS.

I'm looking to begin You Me Her, Santa Clarita's Diet and The Goodwife. Has anyone watched these? Do you have any other Netflix recommendations for me?

Rekorderlig Spiced Plum Cider

Oh yeah guys, in case you haven't seen on social media - I HAVE A JOB!!!! I GOT A GRAPHIC DESIGN JOB!!!! I DID IT.

Will you be picking up a few bottles of Rekorderlig's super yummy Spiced Plum cider? HURRY it is only in stores for another week or so. I'm going to be picking up a few myself. By a few, I mean like 10. Can you relate to anything in this post? Just remember. Don't let ANYONE tell you that you are boring if you say you don't like going out. Nor let people call you boring if you don't like to drink alcohol at all. At the end of the day it is about what makes YOU happy. 

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*This post is sponsored by Rekorderlig Cider, however all thoughts and tasty adjectives are my own* 

Friday, 13 January 2017

Twenty Seventeen

I don't like January

& I know that everyone says this, but I really don't like it. January is the month where it seems that everyone has to be super positive and super happy all of the time. January is the month that we are supposed to modify ourselves. 'New Year, New Me' etc etc. January is the month of fitness changes, goal settings and new beginnings. For me, January is filled with sadness. January reminds me of my nanny who sadly passed, almost 3 years ago now. I still think about her every single day. 

Without a little darkness, stars would never shine. 

Sad moments in our life, shape us. They let us truly appreciate the good times in life and teach us to not take happiness for granted. This awesome design print from That Lame Company always reminds me of this message. I love it. 

I find it quite hard to 'get up and go' during January, particularly when thinking about how I would like to fulfil the year ahead. 

Most of you know that I suffer with OCD, but I was originally diagnosed because the doctors noticed I would act out compulsions, in order to prevent death. I have a huge fear of getting a terminal illness and dying - I think about it even more towards the start of the year. I've always been a bit of a worrier, but this heightened even more after losing my nanny. 

When my OCD was at it's most severe, about 2-3 years ago now, I constantly thought I was going to die each week and therefore there wouldn't be any point in creating goals for the rest of the year. Not a great mindset to have, eh? 

I'm a lot better now, not perfect of course, I still have my health anxiety blips, but I think everyone has a scare once in a while. I read a lot and I meditate, they both truly help me. Also, something my doctor said to me back in September really stuck with me. 'You could get hit by a bus and die tomorrow' which made me think. He is right. 

In 2017 I don't want to waste any of my days moping about and worrying, because at the end of the day, everybody dies. That is life. I am going to take each day as it comes, whilst I still can & here is what I am going to do ... 

2017 Action Plan

Be Kinder To Myself 

I'm my own worst enemy. If you could all hear what I say to myself you would be shocked. Why do we hate on ourselves so much? In 2017, I want to give myself the advice and care that I would to a friend. If I don't blog for over a week or if I need to up my medication dose, so be it?


I didn't leave the country in 2015, or 2016 but I did visit a lot of new lovely places within the UK, including Chester, Knaresborough and York. I'd like to do this again throughout the year. I want to see the world. It's beautiful. I hope Jordan and I book a few city breaks to explore explore explore in 2017. On our list we have Dublin, Barcelona, Amsterdam and Florence. It's all very exciting!

Get Myself a Graduate Job

In order to explore the world.... I need a job don't I? I've been applying for jobs for about 7 months now. I must admit, so far I have been rather picky in the application process. I am desperate to work in a graphic design role, it is my love, my passion. Unfortunately I am reaching the point where I do just need to get myself a job, there are bills to pay! Next week I am broadening my horizons, looking for jobs in admin and retail, wherever I can in order to get myself out there. It doesn't have to be a permanent decision. You can always change direction. 

Design Something New Everyday

THIS will help me get onto the design career ladder. My housemate from last year has inspired me on this one. Whilst Hen is unemployed she designs something new each and every day and posts it onto her Instagram. It is a brilliant way to keep building up her skills and portfolio. 

No creative restrictions, I will be able to design WHATEVER I like. One day a logo? The next day a children's book character? The one after that... some blogging merch? (not promising anything guys.....) I am excited to begin this project and see where it takes me. Big places I hope!

Go Swimming

This one might sit quite randomly within this list, but it is simply something I want to do. I'd be lying if I said I was body confident and happy in my figure at the moment. I know what you're thinking, WHY THE FLIP WOULD YOU WANT TO STRIP DOWN TO A SWIMMING COSTUME THEN. This does cross my mind, but I'm just not a gym person. I'm a pisces. I'm a water baby. I love to swim. 

I've got my shiny new swimming costume and goggles ready to go swimming, when *lady time* is over. I hope to go 2-3 times a week, and gradually increase the distance each time. I want to FEEL fitter and healthier, no more running out of breath running up the stairs please. 

Meet Up with Friends More

I'm probably not the only one guilty of this. We grow up. We drift apart. Someone will text me and I might read it and then not reply for like a week. I am RUBBISH at texting - I want to change this and meet up with people more in person. REAL LIFE COMMUNICATION.

In 2017, if someone constantly says they are too busy to see me, I will get the message. Kaynay is no longer a doormat! - If I'm not worth their time, they aren't worth mine. I will then have MORE time to spend on people who do wish to share my company. If you really want to keep in contact with someone you WILL find the time. Vice versa. 

This post started out on a bit of a downer.... but it turned out happy in the end! What would you put in your action plan for 2017? I'd love to know. Let me know in the comments! New year, same me, just me being kinder to myself. 

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Love you nanny, hope you're proud of me <3
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