Friday, 25 March 2016

LIFESTYLE | Finding Happiness

Bills Restaurant Pancakes

Happy Bank Holiday weekend lovelies! - I hope you have lots of wonderful plans, either with your friends, family, or by yourself, happily swimming in ALL THE CHOCCIE.  (I will probably be the last one) 

Thank you for all of the support recently, it means the world! Particularly on my previous post and my latest youtube video. I met up with the lovely Leanne this week for dinner and catch up, it was so so nice, I really do love this girl! Plus, we really got a bargain deal on our food didn't we?! MmMmM! 

Anyway, Leanne asked to meet up with me because we hadn't seen each other in a while, and she knew I perhaps haven't been the happiest little bean lately, and wanted to check I was okay. After lots of chats, giggles, updates on life, she said "you have so much to look forward to!" - and she is right there! It got me thinking... but why do I not feel happy.....?

I'm going to say it now. Happiness = having things in life, that you are looking forward to. 

I know the feeling, you know like on Boxing Day, where Christmas feels like it is all over for another year, and your heart kind of just sinks... like oh. All that excitement, all that build up, and now, poof, it's already over?! That is kind of how my birthday felt this year.

Birthday 

My birthday each year is such a lovely day. I forever feel blessed to have such amazing friends who take time out of their busy lives, to celebrate my special day. This year was no different. My beautiful bestie Beth, or I like to call her BB / Leakey came up to visit me for the weekend. With a girly day filled with giggles, delicious foods, cocktails and dancing, I knew I was in for a good day! I was so excited for weeks to see her, and it really didn't disappoint. Photos taken at Giraffe, and The Alchemist - Greek Street.

Alchemist Cocktails Leeds Greek Street
Leeds Trinity Giraffe Cocktails Alchemist Leeds Greek Street Birthday Celebrations
Alchemist Leeds Greek Street Birthday Celebrations


Penguin 

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Tomorrow, I am hopping on the train to begin my little London adventure for two weeks! I am delighted to be spending the next two weeks participating in work experience at Penguin Books. (I just want to insert all of the cute penguin emojis, and happy emojis in here to express my current excitement about this opportunity) I am blessed, nervous, excited, all the emotions about this experience - I hope they like me ahhh! Wish me luck!

Also, below, what a thoughtful gift off my housemates for my birthday huh?! 

Penguin Books Colouring Book


Little Mix

I love Little Mix. And I am not ashamed at all to admit it. Why do people think it is 'uncool' to like Little Mix, I am not sure? They are awesome feisty chicks, and Beth and I are seeing them next month in Leeds, and we are FRONT ROW. I am so proud of Beth for securing these tickets! We are going to scream the night away, and the temptation to hop on stage and join in will be REAL. What makes this even more special is the fact I will be handing in my dissertation the day before, so double happiness and celebrations! 


Graduation 

There is something about finding out the date of your graduation that just makes it feel so much more REAL. My graduation date is the 13th July and I cannot flipping WAIT. Its sooooo soon! Aaaaaaah, that makes me crazy anxious but also makes me want to jump around and dance and scream so hard. I am hoping this will drive me to SMASH my final project, which is another thing I am excited about actually. But you are probably bored of me talking about that at the moment, so I will spare you the rant. (just this one time, you lucky strawbs)  


Bloggers Events 

Aren't blogger events great? I do love them I do. I love meeting the people that provide all the support, and whilst I have taken a step back from them a lot recently, I do really miss them, life just became too overwhelming to have the pressure to write up about events and things. The guilt I currently feel for all of the things I haven't written up is unreal. I can only apologise, and if you have emailed me recently, I haven't replied to those in about a month either. I am beginning to manage life better more recently, so please do bear with. 


Ignoring all of the above, I do have a few exciting things lined up such as the Bloggers Ball in June, which should be a really fabulous event - let me know if you are going, and I will see you there! I plan on going away for a summer trip (hopefully abroad) with a few bloggers, which will be lovely, GIMME THE SUN. (But not too much, because yano, pale skin problems) 


Hope you enjoyed this post, I would like you all to write yourself a list of 3 things that have made you happy today, as well as having a think about things you have coming up to count down, and look forward to. If you find yourself struggling to create yourself a list, please please please try to arrange something. Meet up with a friend you haven't seen in ages, book a weekend break away, go to the zoo, see your favourite artist in concert, anything! Do let me know in the comments what you are looking forward to, I want to feel all the positive vibes from you lovelies today! 
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Friday, 11 March 2016

LIFESTYLE | Life Is Precious

Life is Precious

Hello lovelies!

It really does hurt me to continuously begin my blog posts with "I'm sorry that I haven't posted in so long etc etc" and once again, yes it has been about three weeks since my last post. I haven't really felt like writing recently, which will explain why I have been more active on Youtube lately.

I'm not going to apologise anymore. I've been strong enough to admit that I have not been happy at all, and I have not been okay. But that is okay. It is okay to not be okay, the hardest part quite often is admitting that you are not okay. I've recognised that I haven't been okay, and I have taken a step back - on blogging, on University, on most things really. 

I've felt rather numb recently, and I feel like this blog post will give you a bit of a sense of what has been going on in my mind, I have been trying to explain it to people, but I know I am much better at writing it than speaking it. I'm only a few sentences into this blog post, and I already feel so much better, I always forget how this blogging malarkey makes me feel better, and why I began this berry filled space in the first place. 

With the recent, very sad, loss of my friend Olivia, my mind has very much been on a never ending vicious spiral. What is the point in life? If someone can be so kind, so gentle, so hardworking, why should she be taken away?  I feel like a useless body... Why am I still here? What even is my purpose at all....

On one hand I have these above thoughts, I don't want to die, but I do question far too deeply why I am even here. These thoughts are painful, and I just never want to be awake. Sleep is my only safe place, and even that is currently being crushed with horrible nightmares lately.

On another hand, it makes me worry about death too too too much. No-one should die at 22 years old. I am currently self diagnosing myself to the max, trying to avoid googling my symptoms where I can... but I have been occasionally. I feel weak, like all of my efforts to treat / overcome my OCD symptoms have been crushed. I want to be better, but I feel I am getting back into my old habits.

Can you really live your life to the full, when all you think about is, when and how you are going to die?

These thoughts are weird, because they make me feel so sad and mopey, but at the same time they do make me want to really get on with my life, be successful, live that life that some people would have wished and fought so hard for - had their life not been cut a lot shorter than it was supposed to. I just need that little push of motivation to get me off the ground.


Life is Precious


"Life is precious" is what my dissertation supervisor said to me last week. Our dissertation meetings have kinda turned more into counselling sessions at the moment, rather than the discussion of my work. But she is right. Not to put a downer on your day or anything, but this moment, right now, is the youngest you will ever be..... make the most of your time, make a few changes in your life if you need to. Fulfil that precious life of yours.

A Few Thoughts

Will it will make you happy? Buy it. 

This is kind of my philosophy at the moment. Obviously, you can't do this with everything in the world - there are limits. But when you're next in town, and you see a coat or dress that you really like. Buy it. Life is too short to be overly picky about money. It is only money. I'm not saying to go crazy with your money, but a small treat every so often can't hurt right? The chance is you will probably buy the item when you are next in town anyway...... this also applies to food and trying to decide whether you want to be good and have grapes, or bad and have cheesecake. Is this even a question? Go for the cheesecake -Cough Ash Cough- 

Cut out the negative people in your life. 

How are you supposed to feel happy in your life if you are surrounded by people that get a thrill out of making you feel rubbish? Happiness is deciding who these people are, and slowly cutting them out of your everyday life. Obviously everyone is allowed their sad times and reasons to not be the most positive beans on the planet (I am indeed one of these!!!) but people that target you to make themselves feel better are not what you need. At all. 

Be nice to people. 

Similarly to the above, but the other way round. There just isn't time in our life to be nasty to people. Seriously what is the point, does it make you feel better? Once again, life is too short. Say something nice and spontaneous to someone today, it will probably make their day. This applies to real life, and on social media. Why are people being unnecessarily nasty on Twitter lately? C'mon guys. Peace and love. 

Books and fresh air can restore your happiness. 

I've been reading and going for a walk each day, both for about an hour each, sometimes more. 
Reading is always brilliant escapism. You can pretend you are living a different life, even just for an hour. You can either read books to do with healing the mind, such as Reasons To Stay Alive, but I find that all fiction books are amazing too. I am currently reading "Am I Normal Yet" by Holly Bourne, and it really is incredible. Reading makes me happy. 

The walk is amazing. I treat it as a time to be away from my phone also. I walk at a heart racing pace, and just let any thoughts I have come to me. Walking is thinking time. Anything that has been winding me up, gets put aside until walking time. I fight these thoughts, against the wind, rain, sunshine, whatever the weather is that day. These walks are saving my life. 

Sorry if things got a little bit deep on VBC today, but I do aim to be talking about 'life' quite often on here over the next few weeks or so, since it is what is currently keeping my mind far too occupied! And hey, Very Berry Cosmo is a LIFESTYLE blog, so let's talk all about life! -  I like to be honest on here, and these next few posts will really be coming straight from my heart. 

This may not even make sense, it is 3am currently. Oppsie! Thank you for all your lovely support as always, I would feel oh so incredibly alone without all of you right now. 
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