Bet you didn’t expect to hear from me so soon! (yes it is January) and yes I am writing up a post for you, already broken the rule from my last post opppsssie!
But right now, this post just felt ‘right’. I am just sat in my bed, after sleeping for the majority of the day, because this morning I had a deadline. A deadline that kept me up all night, and has kept me on edge for the last few months.
I’m writing this post because I feel it is important. Most people love the relief that deadlines give them, but when I hand in work I become such an anxious MESS. I constantly worry about the fact that it could ruin my degree score, I worry about accidental plagiarism, I worry I forgot something big and important. I manage to make every single scenario up in my head, that I just don’t deserve to succeed.
So, right now, I’m sat alone, and probably won’t really have any human interaction all week, until my housemates come back on Saturday. I’m really sad. I’m really anxious, it’s not okay. Today I found myself talking to all sorts of strangers today, just because I wanted some human face-to-face interaction. I had a big chat to the printing man whilst getting my work printed, it was nice.
I feel really disappointed in myself about the work that I handed in today. There is nothing worse than disappointment. Luckily I feel proud of half of it, but the other, not so much. On one hand I am happy it is over, but on the other hand it just wasn’t as good as I would have liked it to have been, it isn’t what I visioned in my head. I can’t seem to drop this disappointment, even when I tell myself to ‘just forget about it’.
I really do try to not let the nasty OCD monster get the better of me, but I really do worry that he won this time. I need to try not beat myself up too much about it all, I had a lot going on, I began a new medication that pretty much wiped two weeks out of my life (just before the deadline too) because I couldn’t stop sleeping. I just need to hope that the medication begins to work it’s magic, and give it my ALL next semester.
So, what is the point of this post?
What I am trying to say is, that having a healthy, mental wellbeing during University is SO important. And if you don’t have a healthy mindset, you just are not going to perform as well as you should.
If you feel that you just aren’t coping mentally PLEASE do talk to your University, it is so so so important that they know. If they don’t know about it, they can’t do anything, and they only want you to succeed, they don’t want to see you do badly. I’m quite lucky because I think all of my tutors know about it, and they really do everything they can to try and make things smoother for me, I can’t thank them enough.
If you don’t want to go directly to your University, you could see your doctor, ask them to write you up a note to give to the Uni. There is so much support out there.
If you are scared of the doctors, and don’t like going to them, most universities have a counselling service (I believe….. mine does anyway) and whilst I haven’t tried the service out, I do know that even just talking to someone and opening up about your problems can be really helpful. I choose not to go to it, simply because I feel I need therapy, rather than counselling, but the counselling service would be able to help out with all sorts of wellbeing issues, so if you aren’t happy about ANYTHING, pleaaase do go and talk to them.
My step mum always tells me. You. Need. Fresh. Air. Kayleigh. She is right. It is so important to go outside, I pretty much was cooped up inside for the entire of last week, it was horrible. It is so easy to get trapped and stay inside when you are stressed, constantly attached to your laptop / work, but seriously, even just standing outside for 5 minutes and breathing in that air, and just taking in that moment, and letting all your stress leave your body.
Read something. I am always so jealous of how much Aisling gets to read, I would love to be able to sit down each night and have a dedicated slot to just read. I love the escapism. There are also some fabulous books out there that can be really helpful too, such as Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig.
You aren’t alone in this, we can all help each other. Direct message me if you want to! Email me! I would love to talk and help out anyone that is struggling, we really are all in this world together.
I’m off to make some dinner now! Since I haven’t eaten a single thing today, yes it is nearly 8pm… guess that is what happens when you sleep all day!
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