Sunday, 31 January 2016


A Big Thank You

Hello lovelies,

Wow. What a week. 

A week ago I uploaded a post regarding my relationship. Very sadly, we ended up breaking up the same day. It hurt. It still hurts, it stabs, I feel I have lost my entire world. 

It's so strange that before you enter a relationship, you feel so strong, so independent, you can do everything alone, for yourself. But when you leave a relationship, you don't know what to do yourself, you put all of your time and energy into that one person, and you feel lost. Broken. Sick.

All I know is that there are kind people out there. Really kind. 

A Big Thank You

I was with my lovely friend Emma, in a cafe on University campus last week. It was the day after the break up, and I was an absolute mess. The girl on the table next to us must have heard our conversation, and leant over and passed this note. It was so kind of her, and made me really emotional. It reminds me that there are some seriously lovely people out there. 

You guys have all been amazing too. This week has been so painful and hurtful for me, I've not really been eating or sleeping at all, just crying, crying my absolute eyes out. All I can think of, is that this week would have been so much more more painful, (I don't even want to imagine) without all of your wonderful support. You are all kind, lovely, people, who are trying to make me smile, laugh, and just feel beautiful. All I can say is thank you, your support just means the world. 

I am struggling with life at the moment, I have lost motivation to do anything. Each day will get better. Just got to let me heart heal. 

In terms of *my relationship* for comments sake, I don't hate him at all, I understand his actions, there isn't any anger, just sadness. I've been so confused all week, but we spoke on the phone last night. It was a hurtful conversation, but it was needed, for the closure. I still love and care about him so much, and he cares about me, but I guess it just wasn't enough. 

I think that is why I can't stop weeping. 

Good riddance January, I won't miss you. Bring on February, let's smash it.
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Saturday, 23 January 2016

LIFESTYLE | Long Distance Relationships

Long Distance Relationships

Hello lovelies!

I've missed you all so much. But here I am, almost three weeks later, and nearly at the end of January. (oh my gosh) January has been both slow and quick at the same time. I also admit that it has been quite pooey. Three deadlines later, Three all nighters later, and I am incredibly happy to be on the other side! I also got some results back from one of them, and it went so well and I am so so happy with them! Pass the champers!

University results might be going fine and dandy, but you could say my love life is quite rocky. I don't think anyone can ever prepare you for how difficult a long distance relationship can be.

I'm writing this on a Friday night, alone, whilst all my housemates are out at a party. I've pretty much spent the evening in the dark, looking at the ceiling. I feel numb. I feel like I can't really 'feel anything anymore'. I've forgotten what it feels like to be loved, and that makes me feel sad. 

My sleeping at the moment is awful. Just truly awful. I put this down to starting fluoxetine, but I also believe that my mind is racing far too much at the moment. I get into bed, and I don't switch off. My heart starts beating far too much, yano like when you're running? (ha I never run, but you get me) It races. It pounds. My mind doesn't like me very much. It tells me mean, nasty things. I need to be cuddled next to someone at night, and be told that everything will all be okay.

Long distance relationships are tricky. There is no doubt about it. Hey, if you have managed a LDR for a substantial amount of time, then go you, because you are awesome. 

I'm sure I'm not alone here. I have my questions, I have my doubts. Does he still love me? Does he want to be with me? What if he finds someone new in his new town? Would I even know if he was seeing someone else? Will he forget me? Am I stupid to even be thinking this?

Obviously, all very unhealthy thoughts to have on a daily basis. It drains me, and makes me feel sad. I don't feel I deserve to feel like this all the time, and it really comes down to trust, and communication. I do trust that he will be faithful, I just think it's really hard, when it feels like he is so far away, and that he doesn't really know anything about me at the moment. It is like there is a huge wall between us, and I guess that is when my paranoid voice comes along. We don't talk or see each other, anywhere near as much as I would like to... but I hope we can work it out.

Long Distance Relationships

Sometimes you need to just put on a face of make up, and a smile, it's nice to feel pretty sometimes and maybe you can fool someone into thinking you're really happy.

I still want this to work. I still love him. I hope he feels the same.
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Monday, 4 January 2016

LIFESTYLE | Mental Health at University

You Are Not Alone

Hello lovelies!

Bet you didn't expect to hear from me so soon! (yes it is January) and yes I am writing up a post for you, already broken the rule from my last post opppsssie!

But right now, this post just felt 'right'. I am just sat in my bed, after sleeping for the majority of the day, because this morning I had a deadline. A deadline that kept me up all night, and has kept me on edge for the last few months.

I'm writing this post because I feel it is important. Most people love the relief that deadlines give them, but when I hand in work I become such an anxious MESS. I constantly worry about the fact that it could ruin my degree score, I worry about accidental plagiarism, I worry I forgot something big and important. I manage to make every single scenario up in my head, that I just don't deserve to succeed. 

So, right now, I'm sat alone, and probably won't really have any human interaction all week, until my housemates come back on Saturday. I'm really sad. I'm really anxious, it's not okay. Today I found myself talking to all sorts of strangers today, just because I wanted some human face-to-face interaction. I had a big chat to the printing man whilst getting my work printed, it was nice.

I feel really disappointed in myself about the work that I handed in today. There is nothing worse than disappointment. Luckily I feel proud of half of it, but the other, not so much. On one hand I am happy it is over, but on the other hand it just wasn't as good as I would have liked it to have been, it isn't what I visioned in my head. I can't seem to drop this disappointment, even when I tell myself to 'just forget about it'.

I really do try to not let the nasty OCD monster get the better of me, but I really do worry that he won this time. I need to try not beat myself up too much about it all, I had a lot going on, I began a new medication that pretty much wiped two weeks out of my life (just before the deadline too) because I couldn't stop sleeping. I just need to hope that the medication begins to work it's magic, and give it my ALL next semester.

So, what is the point of this post? 

What I am trying to say is, that having a healthy, mental wellbeing during University is SO important. And if you don't have a healthy mindset, you just are not going to perform as well as you should. 

If you feel that you just aren't coping mentally PLEASE do talk to your University, it is so so so important that they know. If they don't know about it, they can't do anything, and they only want you to succeed, they don't want to see you do badly. I'm quite lucky because I think all of my tutors know about it, and they really do everything they can to try and make things smoother for me, I can't thank them enough. 

If you don't want to go directly to your University, you could see your doctor, ask them to write you up a note to give to the Uni. There is so much support out there. 

If you are scared of the doctors, and don't like going to them, most universities have a counselling service (I believe..... mine does anyway) and whilst I haven't tried the service out, I do know that even just talking to someone and opening up about your problems can be really helpful. I choose not to go to it, simply because I feel I need therapy, rather than counselling, but the counselling service would be able to help out with all sorts of wellbeing issues, so if you aren't happy about ANYTHING, pleaaase do go and talk to them. 

My step mum always tells me. You. Need. Fresh. Air. Kayleigh. She is right. It is so important to go outside, I pretty much was cooped up inside for the entire of last week, it was horrible. It is so easy to get trapped and stay inside when you are stressed, constantly attached to your laptop / work, but seriously, even just standing outside for 5 minutes and breathing in that air, and just taking in that moment, and letting all your stress leave your body.

Read something. I am always so jealous of how much Aisling gets to read, I would love to be able to sit down each night and have a dedicated slot to just read. I love the escapism. There are also some fabulous books out there that can be really helpful too, such as Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig. 

You aren't alone in this, we can all help each other. Direct message me if you want to! Email me! I would love to talk and help out anyone that is struggling, we really are all in this world together.

I'm off to make some dinner now! Since I haven't eaten a single thing today, yes it is nearly 8pm... guess that is what happens when you sleep all day! 
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Friday, 1 January 2016

LIFESTYLE | Happy New Year!

Hello lovelies!

Quick post today guys. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! It is officially 2016! Am I the only one that is grinning over the idea that we are getting a 2016 archive button over there > ?! 

As you already know, I am SUPER DUPER excited for 2016, if you didn’t already know; you can read my previous post here.

I hope you aren’t all feeling too fragile today, after whatever you may have got up to last night, can’t say I want to know all the details really hehe…

I had a rather lazy night in, and I haven’t had a lazy New Years Eve… in literally… forever. But it wasn’t too bad really; every evening is great when a Lush bath is involved!

Those of you that aren’t feeling too fragile today, might notice that Very Berry Cosmo has had a bit of a shiny spruce up for the New Year, goodbye Christmas themed header though, *sob sob*

So, new header, new theme, and all things I am REALLY EXCITED about. It's not perfect at the moment, but I am looking to work on it after my deadline next week, and it is just what I need to give me that energy boost and kick up the motivational bum for the New Year. What do you think of it? Do you like it? It will really make me focus on improving my photography that is for sure!

So, what can you expect to see on Very Berry Cosmo in 2016?

If I am honest, not all that much different I don’t think. I feel I have recently really found my place with VBC, I feel I know what kind of content you lovelies like, and dislike, so lots more personal life chats, (for some reason you LOVE THOSE) definitely delving into mental health and wellbeing more.

I call myself a beauty and lifestyle blog, so it would be good if I could actually write a beauty post soon right? Opps. I also would LOVE to venture into a couple of fashion posts, once I can either find a photographer that I don’t mind posing for, or man up and play about with a tripod… trying not to feel like a total loser in public… but we will see though. There is this thing called University . . .

So, back onto that University malarkey. January is HECTIC, and so is February, and so is March, and saying that, so is April and May. I have a deadline on the 4th of January, and then the 12th, and then the 18th and another about a week or so after in the first week of Feb. Gross, I know, I know :( 

With this in mind, this might be the only time you hear from me in January, and that makes me really sad, and I will miss you all so. But I will still check my social media etc, so please don’t be afraid to give me a message! I still really want to talk to you all, it is pretty much the only thing that keeps me sane these days!

Once University is over around May (ish) I just cannot wait to see where VBC will go, but seriously, it will be an exciting time. Just wish me luck over the next few months, and I will see you on the other side :) <3  

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