I will admit I have really struggled motivating myself to blog this week, partly due to feeling really down and also partly due to the fact that I just couldn’t decide on what to post about next! I have too many ideas at the moment! And you know that good old procrastination technique, where rather than tackling that large list of yours and solving your problems, you avoid them…. not helpful!
So with this struggle in mind… I thought I would just speak about what is on my mind right now. I feel I can’t really speak this in person to anyone because I would probably stutter and get a little bit upset, which is kind of why I have and love my blog so much.
I feel there are quite a lot of blog posts these days in the bloggersphere about reducing or cutting out alcohol all together. I don’t know whether it is to do with age, or the realisation that it really isn’t too ‘cool’ to get absolutely hammered every night.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do love a girly night out with a few cocktails (my Instagram shows….) and this is perfectly fine. What isn’t fine, are the nights out with the excessive over drinking where you just slightly cross over that line.
I don’t enjoy these nights out anymore.
They might be all fun and giggles for about an hour or so, and maybe sometimes they are needed to let off a bit of steam, but that is all. I don’t like how I feel in the morning, I don’t like not remembering anything and most importantly, I don’t like myself as a person.
Recently I wrote a post about how I have been feeling recently, you can find that here. I spoke about ‘angry / sad’ Kayleigh kind of taking over ‘happy’ Kayleigh’s life. Which is all very true, but far more apparent, after maybe a little bit too much to drink.
On Friday night I had one of these nights. And on Saturday I had one of these horrible days. I came home after this night out and I apparently said some truly disgusting, nasty things to my boyfriend that I have absolutely no recollection of saying at all.
He told me what I said on Saturday and it made me cry, a lot. I guess alcohol over exaggerates any emotions you might be feeling at the time, and blows your feelings out of proportion. For example, if I was feeling unhappy with him for whatever reason, alcohol would come along and storm all over the situation. He is fine and forgave me and I am truly grateful for that, however I am not fine with it. I wouldn’t have forgiven me. I feel really sad about it all and it just makes me not like myself as a person. This was all down to the nasty devil, too. much. drink.
Also, feeling absolutely dreadful on the Saturday due to my horrible hangover was not the ideal day. Sorry to the poor lovely Leeds bloggers that had to put up with me moaning at our afternoon tea event at the Double Tree Hilton Sky Lounge – love you girls! After a lovely day with these girls I got home and my anxiety levels just continued to rise.
I hate not remembering the events of the night before. I like to be fully in control of my situation and surroundings. I remember parts, and the rest is kind of hazed, and this is not enough for me. I pretty much start imagining scenarios, the ‘what if’s’ of the night. It often makes me wonder how I get home safely and not lose anything! I spend days, even weeks after a night out worrying about what may have happened that night, that I can’t remember…. aren’t these nights out supposed to be fun and all?!
Saying all that, it is my University Summer Ball on Saturday, and I am really looking forward to having this last event with my boyfriend since he graduates this year. I am not letting alcohol ruin this night for me, so I am only restricting myself to a few drinks. Just need to find a dress still…. and that is another nightmare in itself!
GOODBYE excessive unnecessary alcohol, I won’t miss you.
Thank you for reading, sorry for my little rambling spree… once you start I guess you can’t stop! I hope you enjoyed this post… I am not completely ditching alcohol but I am 10000000% reducing my drink on nights out. I think I will be a much happier, chirpier, less anxious person for doing so. Can you relate to anything in this post?
Lots of Love,
*PS I love all your support, please don’t make me cry in the comments!!*